Tireito

You see, the thing about being a people’s pleaser is it comes from a place where you’re trying to buy love from the world . Trade your dignity. Your sanity. Your everything. For love. You give but don’t get the love, affection, recognition your inner child craves.

You learn and become a gifted mockingbird singing out your heart for the whole world to hear and be pleased. Only, they always pounce on you like a cat would pounce on an unaware bird.

The thing about feeling unloved is you forget to love yourself and end up trying to buy it because you don’t even know how to love yourself. Trying to fill other people’s cup when yours is empty.Always ending up like a note in the back pocket of their unfavourite jeans.

The thing about having to act grown is you don’t ever realize your mouth is dry from swallowing your pride. Swallowing your feelings because no one ever really said to you that it’s okay to break down.

The thing about wearing smiley masks everyday is no one ever realizes when a river breaks behind the mask. No one ever realizes what happens behind the scenes.

The thing about being a big girl is everytime you have a meltdown you’re reminded that you should always wear your big girl shoes, wipe your face and not let the world see that side of you.

The thing about the world is it clowns you.

There’s a thing about pasts and always coming back to bite, about wanting to heal but not go back.

© blackgirlpoetry